So – this past weekend, some of you may know that we here at Fresno State lost a student due to alcohol.  For me, this is not the first time we have lost a resident in such a manner.  12 years ago, while at Chico State, one of my residents died in October due to alcohol poisoning.  The stories are eerily similar.  Students went to a fraternity party.  Students drank an extraordinary amount of alcohol.  Students passed out and were placed in a “room” to sober up.  Students were next seen basically dead.  Many of you in Res Life have experienced similar situations.  Adrian Heideman.  Philip Dhanens.  I am sure you know of other names.  And there are times like this where it is easy to be discouraged.  But I was ALSO reminded of something else via this blog.  A reader pointed out in my post on the daredevil that she enjoyed the concept of “hope.”  And was excited about joining the “League of Extraordinary Hope Builders.”   This was the reminder I needed that even in times like this, where people have lost hope, our job is to provide that hope.  Whether it is to our staff dealing with this, the friends of the person in question, the roommates and suitemates, our job is to build hope.  And although sometimes hope is hard to come by, we have to remember that ultimately, that is what we do.

Whether it is checking in on staff with a simple “how are you doing?” at random.  Or “is there anything you need?” Or just coming into work on a labor day weekend to “be there” when you staff finds out what is happening, these things matter.  And reminding staff, they have what it takes to deal with these things is incredibly helpful.

A staff member asked a question “what do I do if a student comes to me about the situation?”  We started going through different scenarios and then we just reminded them – “remember you basic counseling skills.”  Active listening, empathy, silence, open ended questions, connecting them to resources, etc.  You already know what to do – just because a student has passed away, doesn’t change the basics. “And what if the media shows up?”  Remember our media protocols that we went over in training.  Ask them if they have contacted University Communications.  Ask them for a name.  Contact the RD on-call.  You’ve got this!  There is hope, staff!  It was a great reminder that although we never directly talked about a student passing away in our training, we’ve covered the basics to get you through.  Hope.  You’ve got this.  We’re here to help.  Sometimes, that is really all you can do.  Because I have no magic wand to take the pain away from losing a resident.  I’ve got no magic words that will help you grieve.  All I can say is “I’ll walk with you through this.”  Or “we’ll get through this as a team” or “we believe in you.”  All I can offer is hope.  So – as your year (and journey) begins, welcome to the “League of Extraordinary Hope Builders!”  Won’t you please let us know who you are?

If you are like me, once you get through opening, there is a down time that occurs. Kind of like coming down off a high. That is where I am at today. Some cool stuff happened this year at our opening and week of activities. Things that make me remember why I do what I do. First the “geek” stuff:

Last year, we did the “Game of Thrones” for our final activity prior to classes starting. We didn’t tell anyone what it was – including our res life staff. We thought the mystery component would help the “viral” factor. And it did. Basically, we played musical chairs – last year with 40 chairs. This year, for “Game of Thrones II,” we had 100 chairs set out. Now this isn’t any kind of record (a school in China played it with over 8,000 chairs) but for us – it was a pretty big deal. You couldn’t imagine the hype this game created. When we went from 100 students down to our final four, and three of the four areas were represented, it was awesome! A simple game like musical chairs – with over 350 college students cheering on four of their own to be declared the victor! It was amazing – and I think using “the game of thrones” as the Segway helped. And to hear our students calling it “epic” was a thing of beauty.

Here’s another idea for you. We wanted to do it this year, but it was too much for the staff. We had the idea to do “Hunger Games.”  Things such as Oreo Cookie tournament. Pie Eating contest.  Games from “Minute to Win It” that involved food. Please feel free to take that idea – especially if you are thinking about a “geek week”

But the story I wanted to share with you is a little less geeky and more “res lifey.” So this year, we took a risk and put on four “awareness socials” during opening week. We worked with campus departments and had an LGBT+, Asian Pacific Islander, Latino, and African American awareness social.  Four different socials for our residents to attend. For some of our staff who are still in the “colorblind” stage of racial identity, this was difficult to understand why we’d do such activities, but fortunately we have some great RDs this year who helped explain the value. But these events were amazing – not necessarily for the numbers, but for what happened.

I tell this story, not to pat myself (or our staff on the back) but to remind us why we do what we do. At one of the socials in particular, I met a resident from one of our halls (a smaller suites building). She was quiet, shy, and didn’t speak very loud at all. I introduced myself, and connected her with one of the campus staff who was there. Then I met ANOTHER resident who was just as quiet, shy, and a little timid. When I asked her what hall she was from, it was the same hall from the woman I met earlier. I immediately asked her if she knew this other resident, and she said she did not. So I walked her over and introduced them to one another – telling them they lived in the same building. Then the magic happened. The rest of the event, the two of them were inseparable. And later on (4 hours later), when I was setting up “Game of Thrones” there were the two of them together – eating ice cream, sitting in the chairs about to participate in our musical chairs event.  That is why we do what we do.  More than how many people attended our events (we had record turn out this year) or the caliber of those events.  Our mission is to connect students to each other.  To help them feel like they belong.  And after the week I’ve had, I can say our staff has accomplished that mission, and this is a good feeling!  So now, after being down off that high, the memory of connecting two students brings me back up again, and I am ready for the year!

So what are you fun activities that other campuses can steal (er, borrow)?  What are some of you favorite moments opening your buildings?  Please share in the comments below!

Ok – before I begin todays post, some news/updates:

• I am going to be out of the office for the next two weeks, so there may be a break in posts.  My wife and I are celebrating our 10th anniversary – so we (and our family) are spending some family time together, in order to celebrate!  I may try and post next Tuesday, but we shall see.  If I can get some guest posters, then there may be more posts for you!  (Hint hint – if you are reading this -and want to post something – now’s your chance!)
• What’s better than being a panelist at San Diego Comic-Con?  Being a TWO TIME panelist at San Diego Comic Con.  If you are going to be there, check us out on Friday, July 13th 8-9pm in Room 9.  geekEd. 2 Bringing Geek Back to Higher Education (now with Data!).  BTW – if any of you know Brent Spiner – tell him to contact me…we’d love to have him moderate.

Ok – without further ado – I give you Part 2 of the Summer movie list:

Last time I gave you a list of quality movies.  Each one well crafted, with deep meaningful messages.  Themes you can engage in.  Well, in Res Life, we have our moments of serious education, but we also like to have fun.  Again, I used to think “Grease” was a pre-requisite for being in Res Life.  But these are movies that are cheesy.  No Academy Award winners here.  But these are also movies that have a message.  Maybe it’s an “afterschool special” message, maybe it’s a “next on a very special episode of Walker, Texas Ranger”  message, but the message is there, and the movie is entertaining, even if it’s entertainment value comes from his horrific cheese.  Please feel free to add your cheesy movies with a message at the end below.  PLEASE?

So here ya go – some movies for you to enjoy this summer:

• Sidekicks (Chuck Norris) – available on youtube
• This is a movie about “living your dream” and overcoming great odds.  It is cheesy beyond cheesy, and a rip off of “Karate Kid.”  It stars Chuck Norris, and he basically makes fun of himself and his movies. The ultimate theme though is that you can overcome obstacles in order to live your dream.  GREAT movie.
• Son In Law (Pauly Shore)
• PaulyShoreplays a Resident Advisor.  He goes home for thanksgiving with one of his residents.  Hilarity ensues.  Message involves being yourself.
• With Honors (Joe Pesci, Brendan Fraser)
• This is a little political as movies go, but the ultimate message is changing lives.   This is more of a “dramedy.”   I like it because it deals with the process being more important than the end result.  Brendan       Fraser’s character was supposed to graduate summa cum laude, but he doesn’t because he changes his thesis into something he believes in.
• School Daze (Spike Lee)
• More of a “musical/comedy/drama”  it’s about fraternity and sorority       students clashing with others who are not a part of the greek system.  It is all about different ideas and ideologies clashing and learning where one’s self esteem and identity come from.
• Blankman (Damon Wayans)
• This 90s film is funny, basically uses the campy Batman TV show as a vehicle for the notion that one man CAN make a difference.
• The Goonies (Sean Astin – nephew of Alexander Astin)
• Again, a group of kids prove they can make a difference.  Chunk went on to become an RA at UC Berkeley.
• The Last Starfighter (No one you know)
• One of the first CGI movies (along with TRON).  By playing video games, a kid discovers one person can make a difference in the Universe.  Actually – Wil Wheaton makes an appearance, which makes this movie and Wil Wheaton even cooler!

Enjoy, and we’ll see you on the other side!

We all have that show that we are not really proud of that we turn into. I’ve been watching Being Human and it’s OK and cheesy (and so predictable). But I  just can’t get enough of the show. For those of you new to the show, it’s about a werewolf, ghost and vampire, striving to live a normal life. They aren’t trying to hide their nature (the ghost can’t. . .), but trying to adapting to the world around them.
They struggle with managing their quirks and identity, their needs (blood, shape-changing) and desire to blend in. It’s the perfect balance of conforming to those around in a safe way, but keeping the powers, skills and talents their “situation” gives them.

And that’s the balance I find we strive for in our leadership and development with college students. We need to help them keep their quirks, their skills, but also move them from being solo to being a part of a community. Also, we need to teach the community to embrace those who are different as people not to tolerate but that bring strength to our community.

(Yes, I realize the metaphor breaks down—vampires and werewolves may not make the greatest roommates.) That aside, the show teaches me what people go through when they have having a problem with identity, fearing the shame and struggling to share with others what they truly are: LGTB, geeks, disabled, etc.

On a personal note: doing a webinar tomorrow. I’d love for you to check it out. If’ it’s too late to join it live, you can get a recording. And sorry this blog post has been late; I’ve been sick (you can see it on my twitter feed.)

Check out Being Human—it’s a great guilty pleasure that can help you open the door to talk about hard diversity issues.